Date: Sunday, 19 August 1984 06:10 mst From: James J. Lippard Subject: Miscellaneous Digest V3 #24 Reply-To: {mbx >udd>Multics>Lippard>misc>misc} To: {list >udd>Multics>Lippard>misc>misc} Miscellaneous Digest Volume 3 : Issue 24 Today's topics: Sniglets Before you call the Serviceman... ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wednesday, 15 August 1984 03:54 mst From: Paul Dickson Subject: Sniglets As wondrous as the English language may be, there are certain gaps in the mother tongue even Webster would be stumped to bridge - nouns, verbs and adjectives that describe the indescribable. Rich Hall, writer/actor on HBO comedy "Not Necessarily the News", calls "any word that doesn't appear in the dictionary but should" a sniglet. Here are some sniglets. accordionated (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time. anticiparcellate (an ti si par' sel ate) v. Waiting until the mailman is several houses down the street before picking up the mail, so as not to appear too anxious. bandile (ban' dyl) n. The thin red strip one pulls to release a Band-Aid. bleemus (blee' mus) n. The disgusting film on the top of soups and cocoa that sit out too long. blibula (blih' byu luh) n. The spot on a dog's stomach which, when rubbed, causes his leg to rotate wildly. blivett (blih' vit) v. To turn one's pillow over and over, looking for the cool spot. brimplet (brim' plit) n. A frayed shoelace that must be moistened to pass through a shoe eyelet. charp (charp) n. The green, mutant potatoe chip found in every bag. clumfert (klum' furt) n. The invisible extra step at the top and bottom of a staircase. Usually materializes when one is carrying a large bag of groceries. creedles (kre' dulz) n. The colony of microscopic indentations on a golf ball. elbonics (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theatre. erdu (uhr' dew) n. The leftover accumulation of rubber particles after erasing a mistake on a test paper. (from Sniglets by Rich Hall & Friends, Macmillan Publishing Co.) ------------------------------ Date: Saturday, 18 August 1984 08:30 mst From: Paul Dickson Subject: Before you call the Serviceman.... 1. Do not call for service until everyone concerned has had time to form an opinion as to what is wrong. Allow each person a chance to correct the problem. Whenever possible, all controls and adjusting screws should be turned. 2. After several days, when the machine malfunction has become a major emer- gency, place an urgent call for service. Fridays are best, but anytime after 4 p.m. is ok. 3. Alert all personnel so that each can give their version of what is wrong. Suggestions on how to fix the machine will be welcomed by the service man. 4. Hide the service history log that is found inside the machine. Make sev- eral references to the man who was here for the same problem last week. 5. Have at least eight graduate engineers present to ask highly technical questions which are in no way related to the immediate problem. 6. The minute the serviceman arrives, ask what caused the delay. Make it clear that you expected him 2 days ago. Before he can answer, ask when the machine will be back in service. 7. The machine should be as dirty and greasy as possible. A mixture of oil and pencil sharpener shavings work well. If the machine has electrical components, add staples and paper clips. 8. Assign someone to supervise the repair. A person who has never seen the machine before is preferred. Bad breath is a plus. 9. Ask again when the machine will be ready. Do this when the machine is in 800 pieces and spread out on the floor. 10. Be sure the lights are off in the room where the machine is to be repaired. A good serviceman can fix it blindfolded. 11. Ask if the machine is ready yet. If the serviceman is looking at a sche- matic diagram, ask if he knows what he is doing. Also, mention that you fixed your toaster last week without a schematic. 12. When the repair is complete, tell him what a swell job he did. Tell him the job should be swell, it took long enough. 13. Try to get the serviceman to lower the bill, they make too much money anyway. 14. After he is gone call his supervisor and say the machine is worse now than before. Follow up with a letter with copies to the home office. 15. Follow these rules on every call no matter how small the problem. ------------------------------ End of Miscellaneous Digest ***************************