Date:  12 May 1983 17:39 mst
From:  Lippard.DSOP (James J. Lippard)
Subject:  Miscellaneous Digest V2 #16
Reply-To:  {mbx >udd>DSOP>Lippard>misc>misc}
To:   (Miscellaneous Mailing List)

Miscellaneous Digest                              Volume 2 : Issue 16

Today's topics:
		Commercialese
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Date:  12 May 1983 17:35 mst
From:  Lippard.Scouting (James J. Lippard)
Subject:  Commercialese

The following is from "More Joy of Lex" by Gyles Brandreth (1982,
William Morrow and Company, Inc.):

Activate.  To make carbons and add more names to the memo.
Advanced design.  Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency's
   copywriters.
All new.  Parts not interchangeable with existing models.
Approved, subject to comment.  Redraw the damned thing.
Automatic.  That which you can't repair yourself.
Channels.  The trail left by interoffice memos.
Clarify, to.  To fill in the background with so many details
   that the foreground goes underground.
Conference.  A place where conversation is substituted for the
   dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought.
Confidential memorandum.  No time to mimeograph/photocopy
   for the whole office.
Consultant.  Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time
   it is--then walks away with the watch.
Coordinator.  The person who has a desk between two expediters (see
   expedite).
Developed after years of intensive research.  Discovered by accident.
Expedite.  To confound confusion with commotion.
Forwarded for your consideration.  You hold the bag for a while.
Give someone the picture, to.  To make a long, confused, and
   inaccurate statement to a newcomer.
Give us the benefit of your present thinking.  We'll listen to what
   you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've
   already decided to do.
In conference.  Nobody can find him/her.
In due course.  Never.
Infrastructure.  (1) The structure within an infra.  (2) The structure
   outside the infra.  (3) A building with built-in infras.
It is in process.  So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is
   almost hopeless.
Let's get together on this.  I'm assuming you're as confused as I am.
Note and initial.  Let's spread the responsibility for this.
Policy.  We can hide behind this.
Program A.  Any assignment that cannot be completed by one telephone
   call.
See me.  Come down to my office, I'm lonely.
Sources.  Reliable source--the person you just met.  Informed source--
   the person who told the person you just met.  Unimpeachable source--
   the person who started the rumor originally.
Top priority.  It may be idiotic, but the boss wants it.
Under active consideration.  We're looking in the files for it.
We are making a survey.  We need more time to think of an answer.
We will look into it.  By the time the wheel makes a full turn,
   we assume you will have forgotten about it too.
--------------------

End of Miscellaneous Digest
***************************